I had both prenatal and post-natal depression. I actually did have a home-birth and my midwife’s behavoir during the birth was what started a really terrible bout of ppd (I blogged some about that in this post – http://musings-musings-musings.blogspot.com/2008/06/ah-happiness-myth.html). And I so remember the guilt. I remember it well enough to feel really pissed when other women get blind-sided by all the rosy myths about pregnancy and motherhood that no one can live up to. Ugh. I wrote some about that there. Anyway, I can really relate to your story. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it. It was an awful, awful experience for me, but also, ultimately deeply healing. Counseling and medication really helped and I’m very much on the other side. Know that it does get better! And so does parenting (I couldn’t believe how much better life got once my little one started sleeping regularly!).